Excerpt – A Warm Blanket
The lightning sears the black and purple sky with long, crooked octopus arms of electricity. Standing on the cliffs, I watch the vicious sea and hear its crashing, whispering voice call out to the hopeless and suicidal that might have been standing where I am at the moment. Of all the things I may be, suicidal is not one of them. Nor am I particularly hopeless even though I’ve had a long and painful day. These days come. Once in a while I will feel myself slip into that old encasement, out of which I had to fight so hard for so long.
Walking closer to the edge, I feel exhilaration in contention with my exasperation. I feel alive and terrified. I feel confused and excited. The skylights up with a resounding boom and I see a spray of water below, as the lightning strikes mere yards from the shore. The hair on my arms tingle as the excess electricity and the smell of ozone permeates the air around me. I feel my heart pound.
Time drops away like the edge of the cliff upon which I stand, and I remember.
____________________
Kit was a year old than I. She knew things I didn’t, and wasn’t at all hesitant in insuring that I was aware of this fact. She was a strong girl, having been raised in a family with four brothers. In those situations one cannot help but learn early on how to stand up for oneself. This was a good thing, as my favorite pastime was seeing how much I could irritate her. I sometimes wondered if that was why she picked on me the way she did, turnabout being fair play and all. It wasn’t until her sixteenth birthday that I found out the truth.
Kit invited me to her birthday party, which I thought was unusual since it was mostly her girl friends and a few older boys. Aside from that was the fact that I was, to my knowledge, her fearless nemesis. Nevertheless, my mom had said it would be impolite if I didn’t go, if only for a little while. So, I gave in.
It was the end of innocence for me.
Kit’s mother had prepared a great party, and was staying in the shadows making sure that nothing outlandish happened. She would never be aware of just how ineffective she had in fact been that day. She was bringing in more plates from the kitchen when she caught my eye. I must have looked pretty uncomfortable, standing there in the corner the way I was. She walked over and smiled at me.
“Is everything okay, Josh?” she asked. “You don’t look as if you’re enjoying yourself.” She placed a hand on my shoulder. I just stared out at the ten or fifteen other kids.
“I have no idea why I’m here.” It was a simple statement, but it seemed to carry more weight for Kit’s mother. Her smile faded and a look of concern clouded her face.
“But, you’ve known Kit since you were born, practically. She wouldn’t have invited you, Josh, if she didn’t want you here. Right?”
“But, why?” I wondered aloud. I suddenly realized who I was speaking to and clambered to recover. “I mean it’s not like we really have anything in common. You know? I figured she would just want her friends around.”
“But, you’re her friend, too, Josh. You do realize that, don’t you?” She was just being kind, I knew, but I accepted her concern for what it was. Pity.
“Yeah, I guess.” I smiled up at her. “I won’t stay too long, anyway. I’ll just tease her a little and then leave.” Her mother broke into a nice grin.
“That’s more like it!” She squeezed my shoulder a little and then strolled off into the kitchen.
I caught Kit’s eye across the room, as she was laughing with one of her friends—Gloria something or other. When our eyes met, she excused herself from her friends and made her way over to me. I waited for her to say something mean to me. I would wait a lot longer than expected.
“So?” she smiled. “Are you enjoying the party? You haven’t wished me a happy birthday, yet.” She said this last without a hint of anger or disappointment. It was little more than a fact she was relaying. I was confused, waiting for the punch line.
“Uh, happy birthday?” I knew it sounded less than half-hearted, but I was still expecting to be smacked on the shoulder or something. She laughed. I freaked. What was going on? “Are you okay, Kit?” I asked, not knowing what else to say. She suddenly leaned forward and whispered to me.
“Meet me on the corner of Hammershaw and Birch. Tonight. Nine thirty. Okay? I have something to show you.” I couldn’t do anything except nod. My curiosity was now at astronomical levels. Kit and I had made a sort of career out of getting on each others’ nerves and being angry at one another for one reason or other. Now, she was being nice to me and I couldn’t understand why the change. And, what secret thing did she have that she would share with me, of all people?
Kit walked away and a few minutes later I left the party, confused and anxious. I had not a single clue as to what might happen that night.
____________________
Standing on the cliff, the sky alight with lightning and the ocean whispering threats and solace, I feel the chill run up my spine, tingling my scalp. Kit. She was so much more than I had ever imagined she was. She had had a strange power over me my whole life, edging me to either anger or exhilaration at any given moment. Which of those moments would I give anything to have back, I wonder?
____________________
